14 December, 2008

Laughing

at myself!
I've been telling myself that I'm bad
(not the good kind of bad)
because I don't blog something everyday.
Like a student who doesn't turn in her homework.

Now I'm surfing around,
reading other peoples 
and realize they don't write something everyday!
Some people haven't posted anything for weeks!
Some people have posts saying that they are shutting down!
And that they are just too busy.

It was so funny when I realized
how hard I was being on myself,
and for no good reason.
So I stopped.
My new assignment will be to notice 
when I'm being too hard on myself,
and stop.
There are so many opportunites
in my life for self-abuse 
that it is no great surprise I ended up
in an abusive marriage.
I set impossible goals with unrealistic expectations 
and then stress myself out trying to reach them.
Even when I succeed, I am too exhausted to celebrate.

I am going through a process of recognizing 
how incredibly overwhelmed I feel much of the time.
Too much.
Luck for me, I can teach myself to let it go
And not care about it so much.
I have so much I want to do and watch and experience
I feel like a little kid who knows she needs a nap 
but can't bear to miss any opportunity for activity.

2 comments:

____Maggie said...

Silly gurl! I post twice a week, my have to article and then something silly. No body likes a chore. ;)

Ex-in-the-City said...

Yikes, that reminds me I must post!!!!