Olaf laying down

Solstice tree

Sledding vs Sliding

Obviously, when you go sledding, you take a sled and use it. But if you are just taking the dog for a walk, and you see a big pile of snow that you want to climb, and then, when you get to the top you have to come down again, and you have your snow suit on, you just sit down and push off. Easy. Quite spontaneous. Elegant, when you think about it the simplicity of the act.
Now that you are 5 and go to the High 5 program at Lyndale Community School you have more confidence, and more independence.
We just take it one day at a time, knowing that everything will certainly change and we don't know when or how much. So we just have to pull back to "right now" and keep breathing. And enjoy things like the snow. Remember what happened to Olaf until Elsa used her ice powers? He was a goner. Same with Frozen 2 when Elsa died and couldn't protect him anymore.
I am fascinated with the juxtaposition of the two sisters. I only thought this morning to apply the theory of Elsa/Anna's relationship to my own sisters relationships. And I will admit I do have some tendency to see myself as Elsa (the big sister). Maybe we all need/benefit from having big sisters. And perhaps the eldest spend a lifetime seeking "big sister" figures, older friends, older colleagues youngish Aunties.  The truth is that we all have "ice powers" but we are not all aware of it for 24/7. It's good to have reminders that we do have those powers and they keep growing. And that love and fear can shape how we use them. And that we are all still learning how to use them with love at the same time that some people are using theirs to spread fear. Sometimes it appears that love is a naive response. And based on a fear of separation from the loved one. When I think about the creatures I have loved and had to let go the pain is almost more than I can physically tolerate. And then if I reach through the energetic/spiritual channels, my sense is that they are not gone, and that I can reach them in an instant, with very little effort.
For example, I consider my sisters to be basically "out of my life," no contact, no connection, all is said and done. Yet Cathy made the effort to send a card and Marti responded to my text with news of her grandson. So, it appears that there is some sort of connection there after all seems to be said and done. Something endures. And watching "Frozen" I have at times been so annoyed for Elsa by Anna constantly bugging her that I miss Anna's playful approach to existence, and her spontaneous relationships with the world she inhabits.
One of her songs in Frozen 2 about just doing the next right thing and not having to figure out the whole puzzle is quite profound from a zen standpoint. Just the one breath that is filling your lungs, without concerning yourself with the next and the next.
It is actually quite lovely to see it from that perspective and notice how memory works. It may be unreliable as evidence but the memory of the feeling during a particular event must certainly count for something. And may even be part of what restores a kind of more sophisticated balance to the system or relationship between spirit and physical matter.
I have been thinking it is time to sell my house. Or maybe feeling is a better word. And I could totally be wrong. Maybe I just need to rent it, buy a camper van and take off for a while. Or a food truck. Or work at Ikea. Or just stay the course: Blooma, be a Nana, stay available to my kids.
For now I'm just going to think about this breath.
And later I'll think about the next breath.
But I probably wont think about the last breath until it's too late and I'm out of breaths!

5 years old

What a fun birthday party with your friends! And walking with Sophie in the fresh snow. How I love to watch you collecting "Snow Babies" in your Easter basket. And your chilly pink cheeks make me smile whenever I think of them. It's not a long walk, sometimes we just go to the end of the block, but you seem to find treasure everytime we go out. I will miss you when you move out, but we will have sleepovers as much as possible. We just won't see each other everyday. But most days! And maybe I will sell my house and move closer to you? Or buy a camper van and rent my house and travel around. Or maybe I will move to France and you will come visit. Now that you are 5 years old, you are a big girl and able to travel without your Mom and Dad. You are almost able to read on your own and you recognize alot of words.  Today you are going back to school and you will see your favorite friends. How lucky for you, and exciting, and I can't wait to hear all about it when I tuck you in tonight!