21 April, 2009

prison bars

Each of the bars of our self constructed prisons are forged when we make a decision based on fear or scarcity rather than abundance and generosity. Yet there are times we find ourselves in situations, or relationships, with some bottomless pit which no amount of generosity can satisfy. No matter how much is given, it is never enough, in quantity and in quality. No amount of attention will relax the irrational compulsion to hide whatever shameful secret haunts perception. There must be one more conquest, one more seduction, one more cookie. I remember times I invested all creativity at my personal disposal to entertaining a dissatisfied partner. I literally bent over backwards hoping to finally satiate a hunger which has no end. I, and my creativity, failed. In frustration, I tried to gently and painlessly extricate myself from the situation, in the best, most loving means I could manage. Without compromising the integrity of my investment. The investment of my attention.  The attention was misplaced when it rested exclusively on my partner. The endless, abusive, violent demands for my attention prevented me from sensing my abundant creativity. I was severely limited, isolated. Distorted. Discounted. Doomed. And in the cessation of the effort to avoid fear is a happy ending. Rebirthed, refilled, renewed, creativity returns and begins again. Capable, courageous, and in glory.

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