Here's the thing: we just love our kids. And there is folly in clinging too tightly to a narrow, rigid definition of "good Mom" I just have to let go and keep letting it go. Releasing the tendency to avoid conflict at all cost. Any sense of disagreement, discord, unrest, anxiety is automatically interpreted as wrongness on my part and my personal failure as a parent. I get tired, exhausted really, and then I interpret everything as a mistake or a failing on my part. I don't take care of myself properly, and feel vulnerable and run down. Like now. And I grieve my losses at the same time I celebrate the freedom and courage and creativity of the people around me.