17 May, 2009

another birthday celebration

Performing as an older adult is something I never imagined myself doing. In fact, when I first accepted this opportunity I planned to choreograph on a much younger, pain free body. Then they would perform the piece without injury or complaint. This hasn't worked out as I planned, so where does that put me? Sharing a stage with others, younger, more energetic, and with perhaps less responsibility, distraction and more opportunity to rehearse. Quite a challange when I stop to think about it. So I try not to dwell on it, simply letting it come up, saying to myself, "There it is" and then fe-focusing on something else. There is always some sort of task to be done. From oil changes, tire changes, house maintaince, to eating, sleeping, exercising and at the bottom of it all: we have paying the bills. I'm better at living my life one day at a time. I know that it all adds up eventually. All those tiny, interwoven, moment to moment decisions, changes of attitudes and shifts of attention become the world I inhabit, my reality and now, when I begin to feel shame over tiredness or illness I recognize my own self destructive attitudes, which can easily turn into behaviors. I change paths. Actually, I change brain pathways. Move in another direction. Will I fail? Maybe, but at least I will show up, not just for one night but for three. Will I embarass myself? Perhaps, and not for the first time. Will I learn something? Absolutely, I am open to (almost) whatever comes up. With gratitude for my teachers and students.

1 comment:

____Maggie said...

Happy B-Lated Birthday! I'm so happy you were born yesterday!!! :D