05 August, 2012

Whidbey Island

Whidbey would definitely be a good fit for you.
I have a client who is buying land on Orcas for her not too distant retirement.
Although I'm not sure she will ever really retire, she's way too good at what she does
(she's a social worker/therapist)
I would love to live near the ocean or water, ie Lake Superior
But I am loving my life right now and the freedom that has come into it from working at Blooma
I'm tempted to stop seeing people at my house and sell it.
First time I felt like that!

The weather is lovely today. This is the stuff we dream about: no humidity, sunshine, no wind...
Flowers everywhere, and lovely food to eat.
Adam and I seem to have reached some ease in our interaction,
interesting discussion, he is filled with wisdom and compassion at moments
and quite skilled at expressing himself. It surprises me as I think of him as "just a kid"
most of the time and wonder when he's moving out, getting a "real" job and paying bills
like an "adult". It appears that I get lost in the literal stereotypical definitions of parent/child
relationship and stuck in my own tendency toward co-dependency with my value dependent on how many people I can get to like me.
Silly, but there it is...and then I "see" it happening and back off, giving myself a little more distance to become authentic again
neutral and mirror-like rather than acting out some drama going on in my head like a soundtrack.

The birds love my sunflowers and when I sit in the front porch I can watch them swooping in for a snack
The yellow ones are so yellow its hard to be objective and like them as much as the brown ones
which are drab in comparison...I actually spent some time clearing weeds and saplings last week
and now it all looks a little more organized without a rigid, pretentious flavor found in some more formal gardens.

Any news about the organ? Or the house? or M's wedding? Or the nature of the universe.
Last month I tried to cancel my voice lesson as I had not practiced at all. But the teacher would have none of that...
she said she used to show up for lessons all the time without practicing and it simply made her a better sight-reader!
I really like her, she seems to be very non-judgemental and loose but talented and skilled and just not trying to prove anything
in the music department. She's from St Olaf, and has an amazing ear but also other interests such as quilting, needlework,
and biking. She's doing the breast cancer ride this weekend and is one of the top fundraisers.
She has me singing fun stuff: show tunes, pop stuff, as well as the "Indian Queen" (Purcell)

Five pregnant ladies lined up for massages today starting at 1:30 my time.
Some of them younger than our daughters, a sobering thought.
I guess I got over the grandchild thing, I simply don't feel the same interest or enthusiasm
for it that I felt at one time. Maybe it was more of a compulsion than enthusiasm
I notice I occasionally get obsessed/absorbed with an idea and have difficulty putting it down
and on the other hand I have reluctance around trying to look honestly at what it might be about:
what it might be that I feel is lacking in myself that I would replace with a pet or a grandchild or new furniture
or a new car or a new coat of paint. Sometimes I just want something to be different as I feel sadness about the way
my world is now. Yet I can find nothing to complain about and much to celebrate in spite of the fact this is not what I imagined my life to be like at this point on the edge of 60 years old.

I thought that the "love of my life" would be very different than what I have now. I wonder what was I thinking, if I actually was thinking at all. Perhaps I was simply fantasizing and not having very realistic expectations in my fantasy.
Superheroes, super musicians, super dancers, super financial wizards.

Now I have developed these amazing bodywork skills which provide unusual insight into the nature of healing
and I'm not quite sure where to go from here.
I am resentful when I work at the U of M hospital, I feel unappreciated and undervalued
yet that is and was always like that. And not true in so many cases...So many of the people I touch are incredibly
appreciative, without measure, and I can close my eyes to that or accept it for what it is: an acknowledge of our relationship
which begins before I walk into the room and lingers after I leave for the day.

I bought bacon to make bacon, tomato, avocado sandwiches on this amazing artisan cheddar/jalapeno bread.
After I cooked the bacon I just ended up eating it all without ever making a sandwich.
What is up with that? Crazy? Lazy? Or brilliant and spontaneous? A rule breaker...creative beyond imagination.
Funny as anything, and now the bread's gone, the bacon is way gone as are the avocados. Only the tired tomato is left
with wrinkled skin and flavorless from sitting in the refrigerator for too long. Nutrition leached out by the no-defrost
feature of my shiny new Maytag unit I guess the tomato still has some value as fiber, but it is tasteless without the bacon.
As I write this I have decided to fry eggs and the sad tomato in the left over bacon grease
and pour Alfredo sauce over the whole thing.
But no bread, because I'm cutting calories.
Oh, maybe just a little of the leftover cornbread from yesterday.

Later, my friend!

1 comment:

Denise Emanuel Clemen said...

I love these musings, observations, and forays.