22 November, 2010


Some milestones are easy to recognize. The first tooth, first kiss, first steps, first haircut, first day of school, graduations, driver's license: all are noted and celebrated and become a part of one's identity. On the night my ectopic pregnancy ruptured, my past life didn't flash before me, but my future life, the one I would be missing if I bled to death, my daughter's milestones I would consequently miss, flashed through my consciousness. I was overcome with a longing to be part of her growing up, graduating, flowering. I wanted to observe her creating her life, holding the reins and riding her journey into her future. It was delightful to sit in the waiting room at the Southdale DMV as she registered her first vehicle. With new confidence, new competence we celebrated with another first: Happy Hour at "Salut." As a Virgo, it is possible my daughter has as over-developed sense of perfection. And no matter how valuable this aspect is when she is writing or editing it seems to cause her some anxiety in other areas. How does one recognize and let go of the less helpful, unreasonable expectations, yet maintain the high standards necessary to succeed in one's area of professional endeavor. And pay the bills, to produce the revenue to explore one's creative process? To integrate abundance with discipline is not an easy task. It requires practice. Perhaps lifetimes of practice. As I watch her explore cross her milestones, I feel my heart open a little wider with longing and gratitude.

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